п»їPolyamory: the evolution of 21st century relationships?
In the last months a term has become fashionable in the world of modern relations: polyamory. It is an increasingly common trend among people who want to live their love freely with several couples simultaneously. Do you want to know what it is? And most importantly, you want to know if you could be a polyamorist?
Polyamory is fashionable. If you browse the internet or have appointments in the 21st century, you probably already heard that curious word. Polyamorists (or 'poly', as they also call themselves those who participate in this way of life) are people capable of maintaining an intimate, lasting and sexual relationship with several people at once, something more and more frequent and widespread, especially in big cities. It sounds difficult, yes, but who does not like challenges? In reality, it is not that these people need new challenges or have gone through all the positions of the kamasutra and need new experiences ... It goes much further.
Discover: Kamasutra: the best positions of the Kamasutra
Polyamory is about people who have simply changed their perception of love relationships and live them differently from the traditional one. Is better? It is worse? Is it an evolution of conventional relationships? No, it's just different.
Call it relational anarchy. Polyamory can have many aspects. Perhaps the best known is polygamy (marriage with several people), but what is referred to when speaking today is to other types of relationships, especially polifidelity (maintaining relationships with several couples in those that do not practice sex beyond those people) or hierarchical relationships (where there is a main couple and other secondary). In the end, it is inevitable that in this way of understanding love is that last case, because you never want two people equally.
"Now I have a main couple, a boy, but I have an occasionally intimate relationship with two girls," says Alicia, a young 28-year-old from Madrid who has recently discovered what polyamory can bring to her life. "I call it polyamory so that it can be understood and placed, but I prefer the concept of 'relational anarchy.' It is a way of having the kind of relationship that you consider without needing to be called a partner or friend. We can talk about a thousand things, but we have the possibility of having something more intimate. "
Nor should we confuse "anarchy" with the absence of rules, but perhaps with the absence of norms that govern polyamorous relations. That is, everyone here sets their own rules. It is a consensus between at least two people where the ethics rule and limits are established. "Communication is fundamental," says Alicia. "Talk, talk and talk, and have a lot of empathy with other people, maybe my main relationship is jealous when I meet someone and that's what you have to tell, or even if I see that another relationship of yours affects me negatively. , I feel displaced or I have some fear, it is a question of speaking it and that the other is aware of what is happening ".
And is that talking about feelings seems paradoxical when most people who see these types of relationships from outside think that it is a way of being able to practice piece-rate sex. "It's not about collecting lovers, but about meeting people when it comes up or appearing, if I know someone is welcome, but I do not want to have many relationships at the same time or how much better and very important: we talk about relationships, not sex" , explains Alice. Or what is the same, it is about connecting with other people, of wanting or loving and not so much to desire.
Discover: How to say "I love you" in different languages
В© Noa's diary
A different way of looking at relationships: advantages of polyamory We know the theory about what it is: a main relationship and the possibility of having several secondary schools. But how does it get carried out? There are different collectives of polyamory in the world. In Madrid, specifically, hang-ups are organized on a regular basis to meet people with curiosity or with the same interests. There are people of all kinds, homosexuals, heterosexuals, curious ... And each one chooses their interests, but always fulfilling basic rules of respect and acceptance.
And, if we go further, to the core of a polyamorous relationship, how do you manage so much honesty? What differences are there with conventional relationships? "The main difference is that I feel free because I talk about everything and I am not afraid to say anything, I put things now to my partners that I did not do before, because trust is total, much more than in my previous monogamous relationships", recognize. "I also learn which are and which are not my limits and I know people in a different way, and in the intimate level, obviously, it is very enriching".
"? Back to a monogamous relationship? It is possible, I do not rule it out, but I also think that I could miss meeting other wonderful people in the meantime," he says. "Now I feel super dear and I feel that love is not limited, knowing that you have people that love you and that you love, beyond your friends, is incredible, it's like having a couple multiplied by three". Come on, for many people the classic love stories have been outdated ...
Discover:? Fall in love with the 101 best love movies!
An experience not suitable for everyone: disadvantages of polyamory, as in everything, like there are advantages such as feeling more free, meeting many people who can bring you different things at different times of your life or, why not, enjoy more than sex, carry this kind of life also has its cross. "The first disadvantage is that the society judges you, that it seems that it is wrong for me to want several people or that they call you promiscuous," reflects Alicia.
"On the other hand, on a personal level, managing jealousy is not easy, in fact this type of relationship is not for everyone, especially for very jealous or insecure people," he explains. "And another disadvantage: sometimes you do not have time for anything!" Finally, we must not forget that not because of being polyamorous there is no infidelity: if you lie or deceive without telling you that disloyalty continues to exist.
If you want to experience new things in your relationships but this polyamory does not convince you, you do not look ready or, simply, it does not get your attention. There are many ways to experiment with your partner or with yourself. Why not try one of these toys?
Discover: Top 100 sex toys: what do you stay with?
And it is perhaps difficult to understand this type of couples but, in any case, who is anyone to criticize that others are happy in their relationships in a different way to the conventional? "Right now I'm happy, if I ever stop being one, I'll stop having several relationships," concludes Alicia. And is not happiness what we all seek?
Making love with two men: an experience for you?
Making love with a man and a woman: do you feel like it?
Are more democrats or republicans accused of sexual harassment